I Aim to Misbehave
by Garnet Seren
Summary: The crew of the Normandy SR2 take some time to relax with a movie night, the film chosen gives them pause for thought and good natured banter ensues. Slightly ties in with my current series: "This One's Heart is Pure" with a hint on FemShep/Thane.


Shepard had decided to reinstate the weekly film night that Anderson had started back on the original Normandy.  
Officially, she had designated it as 'team building', but really it was a just good excuse for the crew to get together and simply relax.  
All talk of missions, assignments and disagreements were _strictly_ prohibited, and the squad had taken to commandeering the Starboard Observation Lounge, at Samara's invitation, for every screening.  
This film night was extra special in Shepard's eyes, not only was it the first since being reunited with her beloved Tali, but the gathering also included a guest of honour. A skilled quarian marine, Kal'Reegar, who Shepard credited for keeping her adopted sister alive.

Kasumi and Garrus had, unsurprisingly, arranged the alcohol. An impressive collection of bottles, containing both levo and dextro options, crowded the large coffee table.  
Kelly had somehow sourced real, honest-to-goodness, used to be a part of a plant, authentic popcorn, and Kal had been kind enough to bring a suitable dextro-based equivalent.

Kasumi and Jack, to all their credit, had managed to come up with what was possibly the perfect movie for her motley crew, a 21st Century production called Serenity.  
The thief had somehow converted the file into the appropriate viewing format.  
Hell if Shepard understood how she had managed it, but it was becoming obvious the petite Japanese woman wasn't just a master thief, but a closet technology expert to boot!

The majority of the squad had piled onto and around the lounge's large sofa, ushering the Commander into the middle of the group, Garrus sitting to her right and Tali to her let, the two women leaning into each other slightly in a comfortable way.  
For a whole, uninterrupted, twenty minutes, the crew avidly watched the movie, before the hushed silence of the viewers was finally broken.  
"Hey Commander, don't you think that Mal seems oddly familiar somehow?" Joker asked, in faux innocence.

The Commander sighed, though she was already smiling.  
"I can't really see what you mean Joker," she said, deadpan.  
Intently, Shepard tried to focus on the movie, not that it helped her in anyway.

_Zoe: So…trap?__  
__Mal: Trap.__  
__Zoe: We goin' in?__  
__Mal: Ain't but a few hours out.__  
__Wash: Yeah, but… remember the part where it's a trap?_

"Yeah, you're right. The whole turning up somewhere really stupidly dangerous in order to help out a friend doesn't sound familiar at all, what was I thinking?" Joker said, sarcastically.  
Without missing a beat, he added: "So I know we aren't supposed to talk about anything work related, but EDI picked up a distress call on a remote volcanic planet that…."

Shepard lobbed a cushion at the pilot, causing the rest of the crew to erupt with laughter.  
"Ok, Ok. So you've ousted my secret obsession with brown trench coats," she said. "So, if I'm the real life,_ female_ version of Mal Reynolds, who's my Zoe?"

Kasumi giggled.  
"Oh Shep, like it could be anyone but Garrus."

Another wave of boisterous laughter washed around the room as the turian in question managed to look indignant, for all of thirty seconds, before his mandibles flared out in a grin.  
"I admit it's obvious that Zoe is the stylish one of the pair, so I suppose I would be the real life _male_ equivalent."  
Shepard laughed, giving her best friend a playful elbow in the ribs for the 'stylish' comment.

"Must therefore give you congratulations, Vakarian," Mordin stated.  
The salarian spoke even faster than usual, mostly thanks to the alcohol he had already consumed.  
"Must warn you. Human/turian relations can be problematic. Chafing," he continued.  
A few crew members had begun to look confused, but a grin began to spread across the Commander's face, she was sure she knew where this was going.  
"Am sure he will make you happy, Mr Moreau," Mordin added.

"What?!"  
Joker and Garrus sputtered at the same time.

"I believe the professor is highlighting the relationship between the characters Zoe and Hoban Washburne. With Washburne being the pilot, and Zoe his wife, it is easy to deduce the relationship between yourself and Officer Vakarian," EDI's pleasant voice intoned over the comm. system.

The look of abject horror on the two men's faces had the room filled with laughter again, and it was several minutes before the crew began to recover.  
"So this Wash, seems like he'd give you a run for your money Joker," Shepard said innocently.

The pilot gave a derisory snort.  
"This is fiction, Commander," he replied.  
He waved a dismissive hand in the direction of the holoscreen, at just the right moment.

_Wash: Can I make a suggestion that doesn't involve violence, or is this the wrong crowd for that?_

"Well, he's certainly got your sarcastic charm Joker," Shepard teased her adopted brother.

"I have to concur with the Commander's assessment," EDI's voice agree.  
Joker rolled his eyes and crossed his arms in a mock huff, setting everyone laughing again.

"I think that Samara would make a good Inara," Zaeed slurred.  
The mercenary's sixth bottle of Batarian Ale dangled loosely in his grasp, as he eyed the asari Justicar in a way that was just this side of lecherous.

"Only for her calm, spiritual side," Kelly interjected, nervously.

The composed figure sitting crossed legged on the floor smiled.  
"I found my spiritual side in my matriarch years, my days as a maiden were spent quite differently, I can assure you," Samara told them, serenely.

The women in the room led the next round of laughter, whilst the majority of the men spluttered and coughed in embarrassment.

"I guess I would be Simon Tam," Dr Chakwas stated, mater-of-factly.  
She calmly sipped her glass of Serrice Ice Brandy.

"Hell Doctor, no-one can patch us up then scold us for being injured like you can. You're the assured choice," Shepard retorted.  
She flashed a cheeky, beaming smile at her de facto mother figure.

After several minutes of simply enjoying the movie, Kelly piped up.  
"I hope you don't mind me saying so Thane, but I could see you as Shepard Book. With your spirituality, I mean."

"Not to mention his dark and dangerous past," quipped Joker.

This time it was Tali who flung a well-aimed pillow at the pilot's head in retribution, as Shepard turned to catch Thane's eye.  
The handsome drell was sat slightly behind the group, in a part of the room where the shadows gathered.

"I have to admit Thane, I could see you spending your retirement helping protect innocent people, thosee who wanted a peaceful life away from the politics of the Galaxy," Shepard told the assassin.  
Thane's terminal diagnosis of Kepral's Syndrome had become the White Elcor in the room, and the pair had an unspoken agreement that it was not a topic for conversation.

Shepard would never admit it, but the small smile Thane gave her in response made her heart flutter.  
A low rumble of laughter from Garrus alerted her to the fact her best friend had caught her increased heart rate, or at least his visor had.  
"Damn turian. Damn visor," she muttered under her breath.

"I think our resident quarian would be our engineering specialist," Jacob said.  
The Cerberus operative raised his glass of Full Biotic Kick in a toast to Tali.

"Yeah, but Gabby here would have to be included, for Kaylee's nymphomaniac tendencies," Ken interposed.  
His broad Scottish accent only adding to hilarity of the comment.

"Kenneth!" exclaimed Gabby.  
The engineer punch her counterpart, hard, in the shoulder, causing raucous laughter erupt from the rest of the group.

Once the merriment had subsided, Tali turned to Kal.  
"I think you're a little like Jayne Cobb."

"I'm not sure that I follow, ma'am," the quarian marine replied, almost shyly.

"He's brave, tries to look after the crew," Tali explained.  
She indicated to the current scene where Jayne was rushing to check the harnesses of the Serenity crew before assuring his own safety.  
"And you kind of sound the same," she added.  
Her glowing eyes smiling behind her envirosuit mask.

"Ha!" barked Jack  
The biotic was sprawled on the far corner of the couch, legs lazily thrown over Grunt's knees.  
"I've seen the series related to the movie, Firefly it's called, that Jayne has a gun he's obsessed with, names it Vera. Not unlike grandpa with his damn assault rifle Jessie."  
She inclining her head in Zaeed's direction.

"Heh, Heh, Heh."  
Grunt's version of a laugh echoed around the room, in obvious agreement to Jack's assessment.

"River reminds me of Jack," Kasumi spoke softly.  
It earned her a glare from the biotic.

"I can see the similarities of being raised in a facility against her will," Garrus agreed, carefully.  
He had accompanied Shepard and Jack to Pragia, helping to blow up the Cerberus facility she was confined to as a child. It seemed to allow the ex-convict to accept the turian's evaluation.

"There's also the complete instability and psychotic tendencies," Miranda stated.  
There was no malice in her voice, and since she was gripping her cocktail glass quite tightly, Shepard guessed her comment was more alcohol fuelled than anything.  
Thankfully, the crew's attention was pulled back to the movie before a fight could ensue.

_Mal: Y'all got on this boat for different reasons, but y'all come to the same place. So now I'm asking more of you than I have before. Maybe all. Sure as I know anything, I know this - they will try again…So no more runnin'. I aim to misbehave._

"Hey Commander, Mal even does inspirational speeches before a mission," Joker goaded.  
His quip helped to ease the tension in the room.

Shepard settled back into the sofa, crossed her arms and raised an eyebrow.  
"He's got some good lines, I may even steal some," she told him.  
She gave him a wink, before uttering an overly dramatic, obviously fake, gasp.  
"I've just realised Cerberus' biggest secret, the Illusive Man is the extremely uncharismatic version of Mr Universe."  
The laughter that followed was uncontrollable, and even Miranda was left holding her sides as she gasped for air.

"Interesting. Parallels drawn for all 'good' characters. But one not covered. Film's villain. The operative," Mordin mused.  
A slight slur crept to his already hyped up 'caffeinated hamster' way of speaking.

Garrus glanced quickly at Shepard before turning to the salarian.  
"There's only one contestant for the role of 'bad guy', Professor, and that would be Harbinger."

"Yeah. That means that Shepard is actually River then," Jack surmised. "With all the 'Shepard, I know you feel this' crap."

"Hell no!" Shepard argued, smiling. "You can keep River, I'm happy sticking to being Captain, thanks."

"I believe that the roll of leader suites you best, Siha," Thane stated in velvety tones.  
It was the first time he had spoken all evening, causing everyone to turn and regard him.  
"There are a lot of similarities in personalities between you and the Captain, however…"  
The drell trailed off, his Onyx eyes fixed onto the film. A smile pulled at his lips.  
"However, I can certainly see you doing _that_."

The entire crew's attention followed Thane's, as they turned back to the movie.  
On screen, River was in a solo battle with a group of crazed 'reavers', practically dancing as she moved and turned killing the enemies with a combination punches, kicks and slices from a sword and hand axe.  
The squad cheered their agreement as the character of River did a graceful back bend, slitting the throats of several enemies in a sweeping arch.  
Shepard led the roar of laughter that followed, herself.

Once the credits were rolling, Kasumi set about mixing cocktails for the group, mostly a combination of the thief's favourite, Memory Stealer, and the milder Thessian Temple.  
However, the hooded woman handed Shepard a glass whose contents didn't match either of the drinks.

Shepard raised an eyebrow in question.  
"It's a Weeping Heart," Kasumi told her. "To get you acclimatised."

If Shepard was the sort of woman to blush, she would be scarlet.  
She knew a Weeping Heart was a Martini infused with mild drell-skin venom, and she didn't doubt that Thane was close enough to hear Kasumi's assentation.

The assassin caught and held her gaze as Shepard raised the glass to her lips.  
With a devilish smile aimed, solely, at the drell, she simply said: "I aim to misbehave."


End file.
